On Labor Day Weekend, I made my 6th pilgrimage to the CoDA Retreat at Bishop Lane Retreat House near Rockford, Illinois, my first being the 2005 retreat at the same location and on the same weekend. The CoDA retreat coincides with the weekend that I regained my sanity when I literally walked away from an abusive wife and a very unhealthy relationship. I consider the Labor Day Weekend as the beginning of my spiritual year. I regained my sanity when I left her 10 years ago and began my journey down Recovery Road.

I've come to realize that had she not been as cruel and self-absorbed as she was I would never have learned that codependency and low self-esteem had been driving my behaviors. I would never have acknowledged that I was sick, for why would any self-respecting person remain in a situation where he is abused and mistreated. I would never have begun my recovery work. With this knowledge and years of therapy and working my program, I am grateful for where I am now. My desperation to change my behavior, for I had recognized how sick I must have been to have stayed in the relationship and married a woman who I did not like, offered me new tools and a rule book for the road I am traveling. I have had 10 years of reprogramming myself.

All of my relationships are healthier now. My relationship with my Higher Power is a partnership of trust and faith. My relationship with myself is healthier than it has ever been. I go to my meetings regularly to keep me grounded in the 12 Step fellowship, which guides and grounds me, as I focus on developing and maintaining healthy relationships with others. I've made new friends and I live in my own truth, while allowing others the same opportunity. My thinking is no longer fear based or other based. I practice identifying my needs. I allow myself to feel my feelings. I am comfortable in my own skin. I never used to be, but I am now. And all of these changes came as a result of my path through Hell, for that is what my marriage was.

I no longer hate or revile her. I have forgiven her for being as damaged as she was, which she brought into our relationship.